To be humble

Because of the weakness which is in me,
according to the flesh, i would excuse myself.
For the things which
some men
esteem to be of great worth, both
to the body
and soul, others set at feet.
Even God do men trample under
their feet; I say trample under their feet but i would
speak in other words
-they set him at naught and hearken
not to the voice of his counsels.
(1nephi 19:6&7)

To simplify

The most basic natural instinct we have is to survive. And that's one thing that's become more and more clear to me as i live : life takes turns, becomes difficult and all i can think about it getting through.

Some days lifes blows hit me like. ...i'd imagine a car hits an animal in the middle of the road. Unavoidable and....painful?
But even being the animal, all you can do is peel yourself off the side of the road and keep moving. Even if you are limping.

By following your basic instincts. Wake up, eat, sleep, work, church, church, church, pray, pray, pray.
Find a crutch, cling to that. And when all else fails, take a nap.

To be found

I guess the sky was always naturally that color blue, today must have been the first day i looked up. But i could swear it was just yesterday i layed in the grass and watched it fade from gray to black before my eyes. Or maybe that was your eyes. And they way they looked at me almost overpoweringly. To where i was lost. Fading the seconds to feel like minutes, the minutes to feel like hours. i felt nothing but your light body feeling like dead weight, and me almost feeling hidden beneath natural warmth. I looked behind you and saw the blue sky fading to a white. Realizing the it was the moon's natural light, that it was no longer the afternoon.
*

I feel so calm right now that i forgot what i was going to even write.....um.
Someone asked me who i was today and i wasn't sure exactly how to respond. It led me to make a mental note of everything i was sure of about myself. This is what i came up with..

I'm Gina.
I like when people tell me random useless facts that i'll probably never use.
I like matching my moods with colors.
I like writing
I prefer walking over driving
I like cleaning when i'm stressed out.
I like hard labor work

I like gymnastics..I miss gymnastics.
I'm naturally pigeon toed.
I think that even at my unhappiest, i'm still a lot happier than the average person.
I'd post pictures in here...but i never know what to put. haha!

Does that sound right?

Morals

Seems to just be the foundation of a decent person. And respectable person if that's not obvious.

I can't imagine how anyone could think Heavenly Father isn't real when my entire life has been a complete miracle in itself. I'm not exaggerating.

Each Side!

I like thinking there's a balance in all things. And regardless of if i'm right or wrong it brings me comfort.

For example, the earth has the most wicked people in the universe, as well as some of the most righteous. Every horrible thing that happens to us, must be paving the area for something incredible. Balance in all things. There must always be a balance.

However, i'm beginning to learn this idea is completely flawed. For if there were a balance in wickedness and righteousness, Heavenly Father would never be strong enough to overpower satan. And if everything i know about everything in life is true - God always wins. He will always reign. Therefore, what i'm blessed with will always be so much greater than what i lack. I will always be more stronger than i am weak. I will always have more comfort than distress, whether i realize it or not. Because there is always more good, and good comes from Heavenly Father.

It's all in what you focus on.

Japan

My heart breaks for them.

Constant prayer for them but the Lord will always take care of His disciples. Every member and missionary has been safe and accounted for in Japan, through this tragedy.

"Natural catastrophes seem to be coming more often than ever in recent world history. In the last ten years, Hurricane Katrina turned lives upside down in New Orleans, an earthquake essentially destroyed Haiti and took over 300,000 lives, Indonesia saw nearly a quarter of a million die as a result of a devastating tsunami, a cyclone took just under 150,000 lives in Myanmar in 2008, and now an earthquake and tsunami has hit Japan."

The end is near. Where do you stand?

'All i have is faith in God'

Not my words. I wish i could say it's all i have and all i need, but i don't think i've reached that point yet. At least i'm honest.

While i was in Vegas i came across a homeless man with a sign that read "All i have is faith in God", sitting against a wall praying. I've never been filled with so much empathy in my life. If following the standards God has given for you, you shouldn't reach that low of a point- right? I cannot fathom the feeling that man must have felt, realizing he had nothing and writing that sign. Did he give everything he had to the Lord? Is that why he had nothing? How can one even reach that point? The Lord wants us to be happy. He's given us the tools to reach that point. As we are meant to be mindful of each other, and help one another out, that is what He will do for us. We help others, He helps us. This may not be the exact, perfect formula He has in mind but it brings me comfort. What's even more incredible is His willingness to help us, though we are undeserving. He knows each one of us - even the homeless man holding the sign. Even the homeless man out of his mind from drugs. And wants each one of us to turn to Him. Such small acts will mold such great blessings that He wants to give us! He's just waiting to be bound. I can't understand why others wouldn't want these things. After seeing what i've seen, i'm sure He cries for us. 

"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven."

Matthew 7:21

Just try your best. I don't want to make it there without you. We are all sinners, saved in His grace - not in our sins.

My Lord, i cry with You.

Amazing!

To The Harbormaster
by Frank O'Hara



I wanted to be sure to reach you;
though my ship was on the way it got caught
in some moorings. I am always tying up
and then deciding to depart. In storms and
at sunset, with the metallic coils of the tide
around my fathomless arms, I am unable
to understand the forms of my vanity
or I am hard alee with my Polish rudder
in my hand and the sun sinking. To
you I offer my hull and the tattered cordage
of my will. The terrible channels where
the wind drives me against the brown lips
of the reeds are not all behind me. Yet
I trust the sanity of my vessel; and
if it sinks, it may well be in answer
to the reasoning of the eternal voices,
the waves which have kept me from reaching you.

Couldn't have said it better myself

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”







-Marianne Williamson

"I think that the most important thing in life is to have someone to love. If you can't give them that, at least give them something to hope for. If you can't give them that, at least give them something to do."
-Flight of the Phoenix

What To Do When You Are Down

I know these are the answers, because i've been down and they have brought me back up

-Pray/read scriptures
-Do something to help someone. Someone close to you or a stranger, even if it's something small!
-Be around people, try to be happy when you're with them and make them happy...a good way to be miserable is to isolate yourself.
-Spend time with your family
-Watch church movies
-Look for the answer to 'what am i supposed to learn from this'..look for it in the scriptures.
-Paint your nails
-When all else fails- get a blessing.

And if none of the above works...feel free to call me and we can figure it out together.

If your thoughts were written as a book, would you feel comfortable presenting it to the Lord?

(continued)

I awoke to the sunlight on my face. Heard the birds singing, as if welcoming the light. I examined my surroundings to find i had been left behind. No movement. All matter around me was still. My heart raced in panic, almost numbing my body in fear. I gathered all strength i had to move - to run. Every thought i had raced to the one simple conclusion : no matter what i did, i needed to survive. My one basic instinct.

Did I forget?

"I went before the Lord and in essence said, I'm not neutral and you can do with me what you want. If you need my vote, it's there. I don't care what you do with me, and you don't have to take anything from me because I will give it to you - everything, all I own, all I am."


- Boyd K. Packer
 
 
How could i forget the conviction i promised this to Him with?
How could i forget everything i have is His?
I came into this world with nothing.
And i wanted to be prepared to leave with the same.
I want to stand before Him and say i gave Him all.
I want to kneel before Him and say i gave Him all.
 
Never ever forget.

Glory

I cannot write even the smallest fraction of what i feel. My heart is filled with joy in all of You.
"Help thy servants to say, with thy grace assisting them: Thy will be done, O Lord, and not ours."
D&C 109:44

"Believe in God; believe that He is and that He created all thing, both Heaven and in earth; believe that He has all wisdom and all power, both in Heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all thing which the Lord can comprehend. And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before od; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now if you do believe in all things see that ye do them." Mosiah 4:9,10

Tacit

Having felt I lost everything, I settled for the sound of the wind whistling through the leaves. I watched the grass move with the wind, almost as if it were dancing. Almost as if it were celebrating. I concentrated on it, pretending the blades were people. Wondering what they were celebrating. I pretended I was one of them. I imagined I was alive - breathing, feeling, tasting. For a second I believed it. In that second I found happiness. I watched the blades of grass fade from green to gray, wondering if their souls left them, too. If you believe in that sort of thing. After seeing something like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t. Simple words repeated in my mind telling me to rest. I relaxed my body, peacefully falling asleep.

Anchor

I put so much thought into what i want to accomplish this new year. I've accomplished every resolution i can remember myself making. So they're pretty important to me. They keep me level headed.

This is what i've come up with for this year!

(in order of importance to me. )

• Go on a mission
• Save enough money to pay for every month of my mission until Lia comes home
• Finish marking up the Book of Mormon's i'm giving to my parents as gifts before i leave.
• Learn to play the piano...atleast a couple songs. (i'm happy to say i've had my first lesson already)
• Repaint my room

I started my mission shopping already. My parents bought me a new set of scriptures for my mission and i bought some other stuff that i can hopefully save until August when i can send in my papers.

I've made my appointment to go to the dentist and get a check up to see what i need done so i can finish that. And an appointment to get up to-date on the shots i'll need for my mission, since there's one that you need to get 6 months apart from another.

I guess the point is.. i've never felt more sure that i need to do something in my life. I'm just being moved.

P.S.

11 hours until we talk to Lia.
..i'm sorry.. 11 hours until we SKYPE Lia. I get to see her !

The closest person i've been to on the earth. And she's serving the Lord! It's the greatest Christmas present i could have been Blessed with. He was just waiting for me to see it !

Serving the Lord for 18 months! I can't think of anything more amazing to be somewhat apart of.

As well as my other best friend. One of my other great blessings. Serving the Lord for 24 months!!! But i won't be getting a call (or skype) from him. (and that's alright!)

 

Heavenly Father will always bless you with every tool you'll need to make it back to Him. As long as you find the good in your trials and blessings. Let your blessings strengthen you...more importantly, let your trials strengthen you. Let those around you strengthen your testimony, as well as you strengthen theirs.
Always put the Lord above everyone and i can promise you, He will let your love grow for those around you, and the love for them grow more for you.
The restored gospel on this earth is all that matters, i promise this with everything that i am.

to be a vessel

"That's all i'm trying to be, is a vessel for Christ's love to shine through. All i have to do is not get in the way of that."
Today i went to my uncles funeral. The second funeral i've been to this year that was at a Catholic church, which is alright - just different. Whenever i feel a little lost i like the feeling of looking down and seeing my CTR ring and remembering exactly where i am.
But funerals are draining! Regardless of how close you are to the person or in my case..are not. But during the reception they played a compilation of home videos of my uncle with a sad song in the background and i tried so hard not to watch it. Which might have been even more draining. I hope people don't give me a depressing funeral. I want it to be more of a 'see you later!'.


Well anyway! Naturally, i was feeling down after that. And felt prompted to watch these nice little LDS videos online. :) I try to watch Stephanie Nielson's regularly. She's incredible.


And i never want to forget the clarity it brought me. Like my CTR ring. So i bought myself a necklace to match her's. One thing i've learned, is you can never have too many things that will remind you of how important you are to the gospel and to Lord. This world is so distracting from it, but we are so beautiful to him.


Each one of us is important!! I can't stress that enough.
All is well "I have learned for myself"

Also, I bought these movies for Family Home Evening. They're going for cheap on Ebay right now! If you need some inspiration.

While I'm Here

This is quote probably renews all of my strength and motivates me to try my best more than anything i've ever read.
Does that make sense?
Well, i read this in Monson's biography. It's the church's response to what was happening in WWII.

"Hate can have no place in the souls of the righteous..Live clean, keep the commandments of the Lord, pray to Him constantly to preserve you in truth and righteousness, live as you pray and then whatever betides you, the Lord will be with you and nothing will happen to you that will not be to the honor and glory of God and to your salvation and exaltation... Then when the conflict is over and you return to your homes, having lived a righteous life, how great will be your happiness- whether you be of the victors or of the vanquished- that you have lived as the Lord commanded."



Sometimes i hate the lack of control that i have. I look at people who look so lost and unhappy and i just want to give them everything that i have. I look at people and i can see that their hearts are broken. And i can see that they're all just looking for something and want somewhere they can sit and breathe easily. I just want to tell them that i have it and i carry it with me everywhere i go. It makes me burdens light and makes life easy to bear. And even though some days i'm facing way too many trials that feel like they're weighing me down, before i leave my house i pray that i'll have the strength to lift someone else's burdens and bring joy to someone's life. And it helps me lift everyone's burdens around me.
Atleast i think it does...hopefully it does...it feels like it does!! Haha.
 
My life has promise. I'm taking it a day at a time with no plans... other than going on a mission. Haha all is well!
I have learned for myself! :)