Friday, April 16, 2010

next best thing to a messenger bird

I have a best friend, Josh, that i haven't seen for about 5 months. And before that? A year and a half. We do a horrible job of keeping in touch so lately we've been emailing eachother.
I don't take it too seriously - just somewhere to place my thoughts and usually get some advice back.
But i've been reading through some things i've sent and felt like i described everything thats been going on lately ..alright? i guess, i don't know.

I think i might have exaggerated on some of these, and IF you do read through these you'll probably recogniz where.. So don't take me too seriously.
I like thinking I really am a lot happier than all of this :)

April 12th
When my grandparents passed. i cried every night for 6 days until i reached a point where i realized it was time for my to move on..that at some point its okay for the mourning point to be over and to move on with life. I feel like my life is in a process kind of like that. bad things have happened... are continuing happening and wont stop until at somepoint i decide to put it all to an end. When your life gets complicated - simply eliminate the complications. It is honestly as simple as that. if you merely take care of your priorities and live a life free of any shameful actions and secrets - everything should generally go smoothly.

Lately ive seemed to be learning the hard way - its easy to eliminate the complications, but difficult to eliminate the emotions. It becomes more clear to me when i realize its past 1am and im awake trying to figure everything out.

But! let me tell you, Josh, life has become so much easier since ive gone back to Church. If there is one thing i want you to remember from me its that i declared the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church of God. and nothing else matters or will ever matter.

not to get all preachy.
i kind of ended this email weird.
you told me to check my email more often.. id appreciate it if you did the same.
i miss you, by the way.

i hope all is well.

April 5th

"well. hi !

i'm kind of out of lost right now, as you can probably tell. i think i've lost myself. actually i think i've lost IT. i dont know what IT is, quite frankly. but i think IT is gone. I think i should go searching for IT. i just don't know where to begin. do you know where i could begin? maybe i could start there. If i knew where there is. i wish i did. so i could maybe find it. But i don't know what i'm looking for. and that makes the search that much more difficult..."
March 12th
"i feel like im in a musical. everyone is dancing! everyone is singing. everyone is moving.
everyone is speaking
these words they seem so sure of.

i don't feel sure of anything right now.

why is life moving? doesnt it know i m not in a state to try and keep up?
its running ahead of me, i cant seem to catch it. running in circles."


..alright goodnight !

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