I absolutely hate writing more than 4 times a month! For some reason it just irritates me. But i figured i already killed the limit and i feel like i should be writing.
I like trying to keep this spiritual. I wouldn't want someone reading this and it weakening their strength.
And apart of me feels the need to explain myself for whatever reason. ..I doubt anyone even reads this so whatever. Ha!
Today at church one of the lessons was on Gifts from the Lord, and when we got around to the gift of faith, they asked the question: 'what do you think the gift of faith is?'. Someone answered (i'm paraphrasing) 'When you come to a decision and you ask the Lord 'should i do this or should i do this. Help me feel to know..i think this is right, but if you don't want me to do that, move me.' Basically.
How i think of it: When you know it's what the Lord wants. Unshakenly. And with the desire to do only his will, you continue on that path until he makes known to you he wants you to move. And even then, you pray with complete willingness to submit yourself to him. When he makes his will known - then you move.
Today is the day i realized how willing i constantly am to do what he wants me to. And i live my life on an hour to hour basis, asking if it's alright. When the day is over, and i get on my knees at night to thank him for everything - I know i'm doing his will. For i recognize the blessings HE has given me. And the fact that i'm recognizing them, taking no responsibility for my possibly doing it, He lets each blessing give me joy.
I can't be angry when faced with a trial, the fact that i'm given any blessings at all.. is something to rejoice in.
What i'm trying to say is..
Sometimes the my decisions don't make much sense. I just don't question them because they're not mine, for the most part.
And trust me...i'm trying to word this in the most humble way possible. I try so hard to not sound prideful. And i don't think this is something even worth taking pride in! He gives me everything i have! I don't even have anything ! ha.
um... If you're reading this - i'm sorry if i've ever done anything to offend you. i try to only think of others. I find the most joy in others' happiness.
I don't even mean to sound 'emo' ,(who even uses that word anymore ! Ha! :) ) I just felt like this is what would give me clarity.