Missing Persons 1 & 2

i just need somewhere to organize my thoughts right now.
4 days ago, in a fourteen minute period, my life complicated itself beyond understandable description.
and now the next eight months will determine a lot.


everything feels so raw.
as if there is an emotion matching every situation going on right now.
one separate emotion.
i feel
scared, anxious, happy, excited, nervous

as if my insides are water
running rapidly, each current chasing each other
as if its a race
and the finish line
will determine who will dominate what.
and whichever wins will overpower the other

i don't want the negative to dominate the positive.
god needs to win.

once my thoughts stop arguing with themselves.