Blan.

"We cannot expect to learn endurance in our later years if we have developed the habit of quitting when things get difficult now." - Robert D. Hales

Lia and I had to drive out to Corona to drop some stuff off for church.. after church. And we both talked about it our grandparents passing away and how different everything is. My family has never really experienced a great loss. So one right after another in a three day period is.. different. When i wake up in the morning i feel differently. I think different things. i have a different routine. When i look at people i no longer make negative judgments about how they present themselves. When someone looks sad i feel more empathetic. I try to help more. I try to show people how they can learn from me. 
I've always tried to give everyone the benefit of a doubt before making snap judgements. But since i've faced and (more than not) overcome this trial, i've felt such a softened heart.
I feel so much more kindness. not nice - kind. Its more raw and sincere. And that's what i'm filled with now - sincerity. A love towards everyone. I want everyone to feel some comfort.

I feel like this life isn't even what i knew with all these changes. I have a new job. New semester of school. In a school that doesn't even seem familiar to me. I've lost so many friends lately- which is for the best if they don't have consistancy in my life, i shouldn't feel upset over it. And i'm not ! It sounds ridiculous, but i hardly notice who isn't there.

These past one or two weeks have taught me to stay close to the gospel. solely to the gospel and nothing can go wrong that i won't be able to handle. Its helped me to see that everything in life is beautiful. The seen or unseen things. I know i'm not perfect. i just try to do my best.

"Often we do not know what we can endure until after a trial of our faith. We are also taught by the Lord that we will never be tested beyond that which we can endure " 1 Cor 10:13

I'm not the prettiest, the most intelligent, the most profound. Definately far from the strongest, or most optimistic. But i feel that recognizing these flaws helps others relate to me more. Especially after overcoming the loss of my grandparents, and finding that it's strengthened my faith so so much it shows that its possible for others to do the same. I know that knowing this will help my future. I know heavenly father is preparing me for something great. and that when the time comes i'll recognize it and be able to handle it. I know that he's looking down at me and smiling. I know that my grandparents are watching over me and are proud of me. I know that everything is working itself out, and that heavently father is blessing me with the patience to let everything work out rather than i try and control the situation.

I know this all, because this wouldn't be who i am if i didn't have the gospel. I know this, because it hasn't always been like this.

I love everything
I love feeling this all in every seen or unseen thing. I and i really mean it.