It's not even about me. Not even a little bit ! I don't think i missed that part and that's whats weird.
I'm waiting for someone to catch me, honestly. I don't feel like i have a friend that can be completely there for me. I haven't found a person to completely attach to since the last 4 best friends i've had have screwed me over. I'm not even kidding! I'm sure i subconsciously put up walls around myself. I just expect people to leave and at times its terrifying.
I just really need someone right now to
pray with me. And then hug me. Or something. Or even make me laugh but i feel i've distanced myself from people so badly lately since Lia's leaving.
And my staff from work are so close to eachother. They call eachother family and really do take care of eachother! It's really sweet, actually. I just don't feel like i'm there. But at the same time, i don't feel like i'm anywhere. If you were to ask me (which people have), i wouldn't even be able to recall the past 3 days, what i've said to people or even done.
And i guess maybe its something Heavenly Father's doing for me. Maybe if i were able to remember these times i'd cry from fear after all this change. After my grandparents, my dog, Lia leaving and its not even over yet ! Brennen's leaving right after. The Lord must have a lot of faith in me after all the trials he's given me.
I hope he's proud of me. I hope i'm enduring them well.
Gosh! I hope i'm not depressing anyone from this! I'm actually not UNHAPPY, so to say. Just processing!
Well anyway. I'll be fine ! I always reach a point of 'alright' eventually. And i feel fine. Its just a big change right now.
This's the result