Saturday, October 30, 2010

R is for Realization?

i think i've had more clarity this past hour than i have the entire day. So i just want to write the things i've been thinking about while i'm sort of soaking up the comfort i'm feeling.

R is for Revelation... These aren't my words!
I know this is a lot but just bear with me. Maybe someone needs to hear (/read) these ? :/

1. Sometimes the Lord answers prayers on his own time. I know it's something that most everyone knows, or has atleast realized. But for some reason my prayers have always seemed to be answered in a really really short amount of time, if not right away. So the fact that my prayer wasn't answered right away today really was a test because i realized how impatient with him i was being. I needed clarity and expected it at that instant. If not clarity and understanding, than just the comfort to not feel an anxious hurt until i obtained that clarity. ( I love the word clarity :) ) I didn't find my answer or comfort until almost midnight.
But i realized i wasn't thinking about the Lord, i was thinking about myself. I wanted my answer. I wanted it right at that instant. I didn't care what he wanted for me to learn or see, i wanted my comfort. I became so impatient i neglected the needs of others i walked by. I could have atleast smiled. I could have simply been kind towards them, but instead i chose to pity myself and needless to say, it got me nowhere. The Lord recognizes your desires, even the ones in vain. And he feels your pain. He's felt more than any of our pain, yet he still lived a perfect life. My anxiety had gotten so bad towards the end of the day, that i was laying in bed squirming. But no amount pain is ever an excuse to ask the Lord why he's forsaken you. I'm not sure where i'm going with this to be honest. (sorry!) Humility is key. Look to the Lord in everything. ..turn to the Lord in everything and for everything ! And be patient in everything you're waiting for.

2. A clean and pure mind is key to holding the spirit. I cannot tell you how many times i've felt it leave me from me thinking of something i shouldn't be thinking about. Not that my mind is constantly swarming with garbage, but the world today just SUCKS. I don't remember the last time i've even watched a "music video". (haha! it felt weird saying that.) Your actions are just as important. Virtue is what you do when no one is watching, purity is what you're thinking about though no one is listening. Ha!

And last 3. Always remember to pray. Always, constantly. I'm convinced 'praying always' is something you know you're doing from how you feel throughout the day. I am not responsible for who i am. I was not born a strong person, and i was not raised around people who had a backbone. My mom is a naturally humble and giving person and i learned a lot from her. But she doesn't have much backbone, which could be good and bad, i love her both ways no matter what. I've become someone who is wise enough to make what i FEEL to be the right choices, but able to oppose when i feel something is wrong. I've become someone who is able to find the kindness and patience to (hopefully) brighten others days. I've become someone who looks for ways to help others.. really searches for it throughout the day, rather than look the other way and only thinking about myself. I've found patience. I've found charity. It is not IN me, it's given to me. It's not easy but i've never been apart of something so much more worth it.

And that is all. This took way longer to write than i thought and i hope i keep it up here! I tend to delete me entries.

I love you all more than you know! I really do.
Let me know if any of you need anything, ever.

i love this painting! I am going to own it one day! I fell in love with it from the second i saw it. I hope you all do too!

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